Gridlocked Relationships


At this time last year, a video of what must have been the most massive traffic jam in the history of the world went viral, validating my belief that you should NEVER travel the day before Thanksgiving.  This video not only reinforces your traffic gridlock nightmares, but it serves as the perfect metaphor for what can happen in relationships if you don’t learn to fight fair.

Take a look at the video:

Breaking Free From Gridlock

Breaking free from gridlocked discussions can seem hard, impossible even, while your in gridlock.  In these situations, both partners are not listening, instead they’re broadcasting their opinions at each other while emotions escalate.  Instead of feeling listened to and understood, both partners walk away feeling shut down.

Besides recognizing when it’s happening, changing gridlocked discussions requires motivation to listen to and understand your partner’s position.  The goal for perpetual (gridlocked) problems is having a constructive discussion, not solving the problem.

Why, you ask, isn’t the goal to solve the problem?  Because if you have the right kind of conversation, you will unearth your partner’s deeper beliefs and dreams underlying the problem.  Have a discussion grounded in listening, empathy, asking open ended questions, and reflecting back to your partner that you understand their position.

So that’s the goal for fair fighting for gridlocked issues, having the right kind of conversation so that your partner feels safe enough to reveal their deeper beliefs, dreams, and position.  Then the discussion can move beyond gridlock to compromise, love, and acceptance.

Take the Relationship Assessment

Need help?  Take the 480 question relationship assessment!  This assessment is taken by both partners separately, is completely online, and is fully HIPAA compliant.  When you book a private session, we’ll review the results.


Happy Thanksgiving!

Steve Fantini


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